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Why are Americans flaky?
Because they eat snow, according to North Korea. From The Telegraph:
If it’s the genuine article, North Korea’s latest propaganda video is comedy gold. It claims to show America as it really is – a nation of gun nuts who shoot children for target practice, a place where everyone sleeps on a bench and the only way to stay alive is to eat the birds. It looks like the North Koreans simply stuck a camera outside the bus station in Detroit, which, admittedly, is capturing America at its lowest (when bad people in Hell die, they go to Detroit).
Any charity to be found in this Dickensian dystopia is provided by the generous citizens of North Korea (“the American Red Cross supplies curtains for walls for the tents with material from North Korea”) and it’s nice to see that the totalitarian dictatorship actually has a soft spot for gay rights (“This is how they live in America: the poor, the lonely, the homosexual”). By far the strangest part is the video’s repeated claim that Americans survive by eating snow. It focuses on a beleaguered looking tramp and intones, “This man, a former Republican candidate from Oregon, is having to get coffee made of snow from trucks.” Yes, you know that the end of capitalist imperialism is nigh when even former Republican candidates are dining out on snow. It’s a matter of weeks before the Romney family is found living in a van down by the river, sucking on icicles for sustenance.
But there’s a weird twist. The narrator keeps quoting homeless people saying that the snow is actually rather nice and once or twice our tour guide can be heard saying, “Yum, yum!” My theory is that this video serves a dual purpose: on the one hand bashing America and, on the other hand, softening North Koreans up for a future state-approved cuisine based on snow. If anyone grumbles about eating snowballs and spaghetti, the party can point out that the Americans eat it and they love it. “If it’s good enough for a former Republican candidate from Oregon, it’s surely good enough for you, comrades!”
There’s a slim chance we’re being led down the garden path with this video as its authenticity has not yet been proven. But it certainly matches all the usual standards of North Korean cinema: absurd fantasy about the conditions abroad, sub-porn production standards and a hysterical narrator who sounds like she’s being poked with a stick. When you’re a dictator like Kim Jong-un, you’ve got two ways to stay in power. One is to improve the lot of your people and the other is to convince them that everyone elsewhere has got it a lot worse. The former requires the one thing that North Korea doesn’t have, money (if only people could eat uniforms or uranium), so it’s a heck of a lot cheaper to knock out these propaganda videos tarnishing the opposition. I can’t wait to see the one about how awful things are in Great Britain – and I’d gladly lend my own apartment for the locale. “British people sleep on a pile of empty bottles of wine and watch Jeremy Kyle all day. Fortunately the generous people of North Korea are willing to donate Dominos pizzas…
The exception is Arizona, where Americans eat raisins.