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Wednesday, 22 January 2014
Dozy bint of the week
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Men were deceivers ever, and Kirsten Evans is hardly the first lady to sigh over a cheating husband. The difference is that Aman follows a religion in which a husband's cheating isn't adultery -- it's just marriage. From The Daily Mail, with thanks to Esmerelda:

Her wedding dress was elegant, her hair woven in an intricate style and her groom handsome in his suit.

As Kirsten Evans beamed for the photographer and gazed at her husband Aman, it’s all too easy to imagine this was a dream wedding.

Far from it, though. Kirsten may have been in love with him for almost 15 years, but throughout all that time Aman had been concealing a terrible secret. He was still married to his first wife.

And not only that, he had six children with her — four of them conceived while Kirsten and Aman had been a couple.

It’s a story of duplicity, deceit and emotional manipulation. Aman had been adept at covering his tracks, but slowly his web of lies began to disintegrate.

Kirsten was repelled by the thought of his physical and emotional infidelity, but there were cultural issues, too.

She was a white, middle-class Christian who had long dreamed of a big wedding. Aman was a Muslim, as was his secret wife and family.

Aman was outwardly devout. He prayed five times a day, eschewed pork and alcohol and encouraged his vivacious blonde fiancee to stop wearing ‘revealing’ clothes and cover up.

But all the while, it seems, he had distorted the principles of the Muslim faith, in which men are allowed more than one wife, providing they are treated fairly.

My emphasis, showing a common misconception.  There is no contradiction between being a "devout" Muslim (inwardly or outwardly) and breaking the law and customs of a non-Muslim country. A devout Christian would be faithful to his one wife. A devout Muslim, as V. S. Naipaul puts it, has "tomcatting rights over four women at a time, to use and discard at will". Aman was quite restrained, considering the example of his "Prophet", and there was certainly no "distortion" of the faith.

Here was a man who was truly living a double life. The discovery of this almost broke Kirsten.

Brought up in Bridgend, she had a comfortable, sheltered childhood. She dreamed of nothing more than falling in love and having lots of children.

So, when handsome Aman crashed into her life after a chance meeting in a local club in September 1991, 17-year-old Kirsten was thrilled.

She admits she was intoxicated by the glamour of Mauritius-born Aman’s lifestyle. At the age of just 24, he owned a string of designer clothes shops.

Intelligent, charismatic and witty, before long he occupied her every waking thought.

‘I found him exotic and worldly,’ says Kirsten, now 39 and a beautician. ‘I’d never even eaten a curry before.

Calling all Hindu and Sikh curry house owners: come to Bridgend and be as exotic and worldly as you like.

'But he laughed off my innocence. Certainly, his background didn’t have a big impact on our early relationship.’

Six months later, however, Aman dropped a bombshell: his religious parents had forced him into an arranged marriage when he was 18 to a 16-year-old called Zabeen. They were separated and had two sons aged two and three.

‘He said his parents had pressured him into it, they were divorcing and he wanted to be with me,’ says Kirsten. ‘I was shocked, but believed him.’

Little did she know that, even as he told her this, Zabeen was pregnant with Aman’s third child.

It was at this time that he proposed to Kirsten. Naive and blinded by the overwhelming power of this first love affair, she accepted.

[...]

The joy of her son’s birth in August 1994 soothed any misgivings she had. Enchanted by baby Zak, Aman and Kirsten found a new closeness.

Then came the first of many bombshells. One afternoon, as Kirsten held two-month-old Zak in her arms, the phone rang. It was Aman’s first wife, Zabeen.

Kirsten braced herself. They had spoken on the phone once before, but only in the most cursory way. However, nothing could have prepared her for what was to come next.

After a pause, Zabeen said simply: ‘Tell Aman I’ve just given birth to his baby girl.’ In fact, she was their fourth child.

‘I was dumbstruck,’ says Kirsten. ‘I started shaking violently, but tried desperately to keep calm. After all, I was holding little Zak in my arms.  Then Zabeen said “You don’t know, do you?” and I dropped the phone.’

[...]

In October 1994, Aman agreed they would finally get married. But it was far from the big, white wedding Kirsten had dreamed of. He invited an imam to his house to conduct the nikah, a Muslim marriage ceremony that is not legally binding in Britain.

‘It was over in five minutes and just felt surreal,’ says Kirsten. None of her family were present, but at least, she thought, she finally had a ring on her finger.

Despite Aman’s rare display of commitment, it didn’t take long for old wounds in their relationship to emerge again.

He claimed to be away ‘on business’ for days at a time, but Kirsten would hear from the few friends with whom she kept in touch that he had been seen with Zabeen. Confronting him, however, brought no answers. ‘He accused me of being paranoid and ungrateful for questioning his absence,’ she says.

Then came yet another humiliation. In 2001, an acquaintance told Kirsten that Zabeen was pregnant with Aman’s fifth child.

Surely, you might ask, after all this, why didn’t Kirsten just leave her duplicitous partner?

In the end she did. In the end she could, because she lives in Britain, and her family will not kill her for doing so. Other women, who have burned their boats and gone to Iran, Saudi Arabia or Afghanistan, have not been so lucky. Zabeen may not be so lucky if she decides not to put up with Islam-sancioned tomcatting, an insult to tomcats who do not claim divine authority for what they do.

Ladies, sigh no more. You have a choice. If you want "exotic", go for a pizza. If you must have curry, make sure it's made by a Hindu or Sikh, especially if you prefer Cobra to COBRA.

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Posted on 01/22/2014 12:00 AM by Mary Jackson
Comments
23 Jan 2014
Send an emailreactionry
'
Dozy Bolshies
[btw., Mary, you have been sorely missed by at least one Regular Reader]
 "A devout Muslim, as V. S. Naipaul puts it, has 'tomcatting rights over four women at a time, to use and discard at will.' "
The above brought to mind a link from January 2007 (possibly previously posted by me on NER) :   http://www.uel.ac.uk/risingeast/archive06/feedback/cohen_thomas.htm
One of the authors, Susie Thomas, was lovingly described to me in recent months by one of her friends as a "lovely communist."  Susie & Jesse write, "He [Martin Amis] quotes VS Naipaul on the effect of polygamy and serial marriage in Pakistan: ‘the man moves on, “religiously tomcatting away”; and the consequence is a society of 'half orphans' " Other gems: "Amis suggests that ‘one way of ending the war on terror would be to capitulate and convert. […] My middle daughter, now aged nine, still believes in imaginary beings (Father Christmas, the Tooth Fairy); so she would have that in common, at least, with her new husband’. Lock up your daughters: the Muslims are coming!" And, "The Islamist sees democracy as Western interference, Amis asserts that ‘the Middle East is clearly unable [..] to sustain democratic rule’. (Meanwhile, moderates in the Middle East, such as Abbas in Palestine, are left out in the cold; and the West watches idly as Israel attempts to reduce the fragile democracy of Lebanon to rubble."
The Thomases quote author and playwright, Hanif Kureishi [whose work was reviewed by Mary Jackson on NER years ago] several times in their piece - "If the home-grown British bomber is our headache, he is also our symptom’. Moreover, we cannot ‘claim to be enlightened, liberal and democratic while unleashing a whirlwind of disaster and death on the Muslim world, day after day."
[the thought occurs that the reader might as well read the entire Thomas piece linked above]
"Kureishi argues that socialism, and its ideal of a society based on co-operation, equality and creativity, has been replaced by consumerism and a moral void that ‘Islam can occupy.’ "
"Hanif Kureishi’s novel, The Black Album; his film, My Son, The Fanatic; and his collection of essays, The Word and the Bombrepresent the only body of work by a contemporary novelist which has offered not only a critique of the anti-Semitism, homophobiaand subjugation of women that exist within Islamism, but also an account of the racism, economic injustice, and disastrous foreign policy that have fuelled it. It is telling that in both Christopher Hitchens’s essay on Islam and in Amis’s, Kureishi’s work is passed over in silence. But if we do not want the War on Terror to slide into Harris’s War on Islam it will be necessary to continue what Kureishi has called ‘the arduous conversation.’ This involves listening, as well as speaking truth to the power of both Islamism and Westernism."
From other pieces HF speaks truth to Westernism: 

"These days I don't often think about Margaret Thatcher, but I am aware that the world we inhabit now was partly brought about by what she and her party considered in the 80s to be freedom. By this I mean deregulation, the liberal market and consumerism, notions much extended under Tony Blair and his government.Thatcher's specific enemy was communism. Our avowed and necessary enemy - since the attacks on the World Trade Centre - is Islam in its radical version, which is increasing in strength, particularly since the failed invasion of Iraq. Not long ago there was another idea, which involved neither God nor extreme competition, called socialism. It represented ideas of fraternity, social bonding and creativity which were fruitful and significant. But it was wiped out by Thatcherism in 1989 along with communism, which it in no way resembles."

" “Certainly in the 80s under Thatcher there were a lot of writers, artists, and filmmakers who were chattering away cause they hated her so much, and it really sort of encouraged us.” (He points out the Lady’s own propensity for histrionics - "The Falklands was a Mickey Mouse war, a tinpot war. She turned it into some Churchillian epic, it was a fucking joke.”)

 

J.B. Miller writes, "Half-English, half-Pakistani, Hanif Kureishi (pronounced Ha-NEEF Ku-REE-shee) is a playwright, screenwriter, novelist, essayist. He is also a provocateur who once described England as "an intolerant, racist, homophobic, narrow-minded, authoritarian rat hole."

 

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/books/3671392/Hanif-Kureishi-A-life-laid-bare.html

 

https://now.mmedia.me/lb/en/features/in-conversation-with-hanif-kureishi

 

http://www.nytimes.com/1992/08/02/movies/film-for-his-new-film-hanif-kureishi-reaches-for-a-beautiful-laundrette.html?pagewanted=all&src=pm

 

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2006/sep/30/comment.mainsection2

 

 



23 Jan 2014
voice of experience
'

"Men were deceivers ever,....."

Had Aman been married to Ol Barb he'd now been known as Aman-da.



22 Jan 2014
Christina McIntosh
'

Four crumbs of comfort.

1/ She finally did give him the boot.

2/ She never went so far into folly as to convert to Islam.

3/ She never went off to the dar al Islam with him nor let him take any of the kids there.

4/ It seems that her son has sided with her, rather than siding with mohammedan dad.

Some advice for her and anyone else who's experienced this sort of thing:

She should make damn sure he never gets a chance to take any of the kids off to dar al Islam; she should watch the daughter like a hawk and make sure he doesn't kidnap the daughter.  Because under Islam, if a couple are divorced, the man gets absolute custody of the kids, and the kids are reckoned as Muslims.

She should watch her back, lest he send a sharia assassin after her.

Finally: a bit more background on why a Muslim two-timing cheating bigamous male is 1000 times worse than the average non-Muslim two-timing cheating male:

http://www.raymondibrahim.com/from-the-arab-world/muslim-husbands-must-hate-non-muslim-wives/